Middle School

I was a substitute teacher today in Middle school.  I hear people say they hate this age all the time, and I am certain when my children reach this age I will feel this way about them (actually my son is in middle school, but goes 5-8 so I don’t count it), but I love the average middle school student.  Their thought process is almost entirely about how to fit in, but still form their own niche, without drawing any negative attention to themselves.  It’s a tough line.  I would be exhausted at the end of the day if I had to do that.   

It made me think about how I worry about what others think of me.  I consider my children a reflexion of me…what message are they sending out?   Good grief!  The days when my daughter dresses herself, or my son fails an assignment I wonder what people think of me.  What occurred to me today is that everyone has their own set of criteria for judging (I do have my own set, I am not proud of it, but it’s there…it has to do with grammar and teeth) and I will never impress everyone all the time.   I realize that different people have different mindsets.  It would be unthinkable for some people in my husband’s position to be driving an 8 year old vehicle, but having recently taken a promotion that no longer included a company car, it was a car we had and therefore it was enough for him.  It would be unthinkable for some to even consider not buying anything new for a year, but it’s something we are willing to try.  It would be unthinkable for people to even consider buying a second home, but for us it was the best way to have a tangible asset for retirement that we could also enjoy with our young and growing family.   I do things many people would find unthinkable and many people do things every day that I would find unthinkable.  I find it unthinkable to have a car payment, let alone two.  I find it unthinkable to spend money on a credit card that I know I can’t pay off at the end of the month.    

I have realized that I shouldn’t give up completely!  I should still take pride in my appearance, make sure my hair is well kept, keep my weight in check, make sure my clothing is situation appropriate, clean and in good repair, but I don’t have to drive a new car, have new furniture or a super trendy wardrobe.  Holy wow that was a super long run on sentence! 

Oh, to find the balance!  The balance between how I present myself with how I feel I am perceived.  When I figure it out, perhaps I can share it with the middle school students.  Right now, I need a nap.