How would things be…

I sometimes think about how simple my life would be without kids.  My husband and I could live in any neighborhood, regardless of schools,  parks, or “extra space” in the house.   We could travel like we used to, taking the bump to a later flight along with the incentive to do it from the airlines so that our next trip is relatively inexpensive.  I could drive a small, fuel efficient car and not worry about how many outlets and cup holders there are in the back seat.  Generally speaking we would have more money.  The clothing, food, extracurricular activities, bigger house, bigger car/van, the furniture that takes a beating every day, the carpet…ugh the list goes on and on. 

Then there is the emotional toll of children.  Not only the one on one when they don’t listen, talk back, say hurtful things but watching them struggle with the social aspects of daily life.  Seeing them bullied, hearing them struggle with their self-esteem, social life, studies.  Trying to be patient as they learn how to be organized, how to pick up after themselves, how to pick up the seat so they don’t pee all over the seat.  All of these things are stressful and when you are the parent of two, count em, two kids with ADD/ADHD some of these items are all the more challenging. 

We could live in a small, tidy house, drive small cars, vacation more often and have a tidy sum in the bank, but we would have missed out on so much.  So much joy, so much adventure, so much love.  I have learned patience, I have learned to accept that I cannot control everything, I have learned how to accept defeat and how to stand firm when it’s necessary.  These are valuable lessons that have changed me in many different and positive ways.

I also would never feel complete.  I always wanted two children.  When I was in college my boyfriend didn’t want any children.  We were together for 3 years and I realized there was no future with this man who had a fundamentally different view of adult life.  It was painful, but for the best.  6 months later I met my husband who was a bit older than I and did indeed want children, with the right woman.  At one point when our second child was 6 months old and I thought our family was complete I got pregnant by accident (mini pill/breast feeding=oops!).  I was devastated.  This had not been my plan.  Just when my mind finally wrapped around the idea and accepted it, I lost it.   For about 2 years I felt incomplete.  I eventually recovered and am grateful for the two beautiful, healthy children that I do have, but knowing how that felt I can only imagine my regret if I had never had any children. 

While they are work, frustrating, and expensive, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.