The value of experience.

This statement has two meanings.  The first is the value of the experience that comes with age.  What I am going through with my Grandmother is a lesson that I hope my children and grandchildren never have to learn, but I also know that what I am learning has value.  It teaches me lots about the legal system, about different types of care for elder parents/grandparents, about having patience when dealing with any type of government agency (seriously, bring a book), and a valuable lesson in how I can’t control everything.  When I have a friend going through this in the future, as I am certain to have, I will be a valuable resource having gone through it already. 

There are things I stew over.  I focus on events or situations and I marinate in my thoughts for hours, even days.  There have been so many times when just talking to someone about the situation helps, and there have been many others where they have experienced something similar and have suggestions.   I am amazed every time.  For some reason I think I, and only I, know everything.  The only thing I really know is that my knowledge is but a drop in the bucket compared to what is available.  I value others experiences, it's a wealth of information and support.

The second meaning is the value that we place on experiences.  For example, in March My husband and I are going to Grand Rapids for their Laugh In.  We purchased tickets to see one of our favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan, and to watch the final round of a comedy competition (dinner and the show).  This was not free.  Nor will our hotel room be free, or the meals we will be eating out in the Downtown area.  We. Don’t. Care.  First we both have March birthday’s and so we are counting it as our birthday presents to ourselves.  Second, we will always remember it.  There are few gifts from my husband I remember.  He’s really bad at giving gifts.  My most memorable is the wedding gift he gave me (my father had recently passed away and my “borrowed” item was my sisters locket with his picture in it.  My husband gave me a locket with my dad’s picture in it.  It made me cry), and second was my first Mother’s day present when he was irritated with me and so he bought me a waffle maker (that I never asked for) on the morning of Mother’s day, brought it home in the bag and tossed it at me.  We actually laugh about it today (as I still use the waffle maker almost every day).  I remember every trip we have taken together.  San Francisco (once with family, once with work), Cabo, Boston, so many trips to Florida I can no longer count, Los Angeles, Mackinaw island, Grand Rapids all have a warm place in my heart. 

My mother recently made a comment about my sister in which is said something to the theme of “She would rather spend money taking the kids somewhere fun, where as I would always want to buy things for the house”.  My sister and I are very similar.  I am not a sports fan, but when we visit a new city I will go to a major league baseball game with the family.  I have been to a ton of Pistons games, some with the kids, some with friends, some with people with whom my husband works.  When the Tigers made the playoffs this year my husband and son went to several of the games and when our son was 6 he went to a World Series game.  We spent a pretty penny on all of those tickets, but the list of what we would have wasted that money on otherwise is long and usually ends up in the recycling bin.  The kids and I have a yearlong pass to the zoo about an hour from us.  This pass gets us in free or half price to most of the zoos that we would visit.   The one we have will last us until the end of July and we will probably not renew it.  My kids have gotten to an age where the zoo is not as cool and fun as it used to be, but for the few years we had it we enjoyed it and I have wonderful memories of our zoo visits.  My kids will probably remember how I lost my cool when they weren’t keeping up or how I wouldn’t let them ride the carousel because I had already spent enough money, but I will remember just the good stuff.   Just the stuff that makes me smile. 

Our season pass for skiing was a major investment for our family.  The skis were used, but still not cheap, especially considering how they will outgrow them in 1 or 2 years.  We hope to make many happy memories this winter and also instill a love of winter and a lifelong skill in our children.    We were weighing the cost of our investment on the way home today from 2 days of skiing where our kids and I got comfortable with the feel of skiing again.  My husband said “We could have gotten 2 flat screen TV’s one for the basement and one for the bedroom, or we could have put that toward a new bedroom set.”  I said, “While that’s true, we have TV’s in those places that work just fine, we have a bedroom of mismatched, but fully functional (for the most part) furniture.  None of those are things we need.  We will make memories we will all have for a long time”.  We leave 2011 a happy, healthy family with the blessings of extended family who support us, friends we love, and a unified goal for the year.  We have been blessed by experience and see the value in experiences to come.  Life is good. 

I felt like a caveman…

At Christmas last week at my mother in law’s I felt like a caveman.  My mother in law had asked for an i-pad for Christmas.  All the kids chipped in and got her one.  My sister in law and her husband have i-phones, my Bother in law and his wife have i-phones, my husband has a blackberry, my nephews were on laptops and i-pads.  Only the littlest of the children (and my kids) were not on line.   To be fair I had my i-pod touch in the van, but I didn’t really want to be on-line.  Plus there was a football game on, so the boys were occupied by that as well. 

I said to my husband on the way home that I didn’t like how we all just reverted to our own world.  It didn’t happen at my father in law’s the night before and perhaps it was partly that we had been together for almost an entire day and we had run out of things to say. Yes there are times when I am here, in my house and I spend lots of time on my computer, but with adult guests I never do that.  I have gotten on line to check some stuff out or quickly check my e-mail (mostly at the cottage when we have longer term guests), but beyond that I find it very antisocial and, you can use many words to describe me, antisocial is not one of them. 

I would LOVE to get an i-phone.  I have looked into it and I have a hard time justifying the expense. Plus, after the fun of the “something new” wears off, what am I to do then?  My husband has the opportunity to be reimbursed for an i-phone and we would get reimbursed for a max amount for the service.  Yesterday he was happy to find that out and spent the afternoon “looking into it”.  We discovered that the down stroke would be about $200 which isn’t bad (his phone expense would be reimbursed), but then we discovered that the service reimbursement is included in his pay check and is, therefore, taxed making it significantly less valuable.  Right now he has a Blackberry with unlimited service that the company just pays for, no reimbursement hassle, no monthly payment that we are responsible for even if he and the company parted ways for whatever reason, it is just a benefit of his position.  I have a pay as you go phone that I tend to put about $100 on every few months.  We don’t have car payments, we don’t have any credit card debt, our only debts are our 15 year mortgages on our houses.  I feel like we pay so much for our “entertainment” package (Dish network with Blockbuster and Red Zone for Football season), we have satellite radios in both our vehicles (and gift the service to my mom as well) and I rarely have time when I am away from home when I think “gee I wish I could check my internet right now”.   So we decided that a $1200 a year (or more depending on usage) was not in our cards for 2012.  I am hoping that when the van needs to be replaced that paying for the new car with cash will make it all worth it! 

Only 3 days left to buy anything new…

I am excited!

I am excited!

I am excited about the challenges of the upcoming year!

Let me tell you one of the reasons.  As I was shopping for Christmas presents for my niece at Target I was wondering the isles…What could I use?  What would I like?  What do I NEED?  Just a trip up the kitchen drawer isle (graters, peelers, juicers etc…) and I was in having a “new toy high”.  I will do this often.  Fill my cart with crap I think I need and then put half of it back.  I do the same thing online.  I put tons of things in my “cart” and then I just walk away from the site.  Sometimes I still think I should be expecting something, others I am relieved when I don’t.  I realize my relationship to things has taken over my life. 

I remember at one point someone had made the suggestion that our love of things can be seen as idolatry by our Lord and Savior.  At the time I found the idea distasteful.   After all God would not have put us on this earth with so much if he didn’t want us to have a good time with it all right?  Well, as I have been reviewing my attitude toward my earthly possessions I have had to reconsider.  There are times when I decide I want something and it becomes my central focus.  How can I get it?  Where can I get the best deal?  How is this new possession going to affect how others see me?  Now, I have no intention of living like a Monk and spending my days exalting the Lord, because that really isn’t in my personality, but I could stand to pray more, explore my faith a bit deeper, spend more time in contemplation of relationships and things that money can’t buy and, again, being grateful for the possessions I have. 

I am also nervous about the year to come.  My husband committed to join me in not buying anything new in the year 2012 and he said something about buying a new lamp for the cottage this summer.  I reminded him about the compact and he said “Oh, yeah”, but he said it in a way that said he had already forgotten it.  This could be my biggest struggle.  I am a pleaser.  I listen to what my husband says and I tend to think that I can make him happy by buying him that in which he has expressed interest.  Even he recognizes this as a problem and has taken to saying “I just think it’s cool, I don’t want it”  whenever he makes the mistake of saying he likes something in front of me.  It’s how we got the cottage, it’s how we got a new stereo system in his car (with Bluetooth), Heck, I think it’s how we got kids!  So in addition to using the last of things, decluttering, and being content with what I have I am adding daily meditation.  Now I work out about an hour a day and there may not be a ton of time to get the meditation in, especially when I am subbing all day, so I can’t commit to 20 minutes a day or anything.  Some days it may just be 5 minutes of quiet in the car, but every day, I need to meditate (which to me includes praying and quiet “listening” for God’s answers.)

I am looking to lose 20 lbs in the first 5 months of the year.  My husband  is hoping to lose 30.  When we focus on working out, eating well and avoiding physically harmful behaviors (such as eating out) we have a tendency to also naturally save money.  We don’t eat out a ton so it’s not that, but it’s a mindset.  We also have a tendency to police each other. 

Kids and I are off to the sled hill.  Free fun and some good exercise as well!  It’s a win/win.

Sorry....I have been preoccupied

I started my blog and then disappeared for a week!  As much as I would love to say it is because of the Holidays and I was busy getting everything ready for a magical season, I was actually in Florida taking guardianship of my Grandmother.  This sucks!

That said, I have had a lot of time to contemplate how I sabotage myself when it comes to frugality.  One thing I noticed, as I was showering at the hotel and using the hotel conditioner to shave my legs, is that I have a hard time using the last of anything.  From cooking and baking supplies, to cosmetics and toiletries, I have the same MO.  I get down to the last quarter of the product, I purchase the replacement product, I start using the replacement product and “store” the last of the other product for future use.  When I am on it I will use the first quarter of the new product and use the last of the old bottle to fill it up (I do this a lot with lotion…I use a lot of lotion).  When I’m not I end up with a ton of old, mostly used up products. 

Where does this come from?  I have no clue.  I watch my mother and my sister struggle with minor hoarding and I wonder if this is my version.  I feel anxious when I am low on something that I perceive as a necessity.  Every few years I will go through my bathroom storage and do a major chucking and it makes me feel terrible every time.  Every few months I go through the fridge and the same feeling results.  I read about people who are good about rolling out their toothpaste tube, adding water to their shampoo for that last wash, scraping out jars of mayonnaise for that last teaspoon and the thought of it makes me panic.

 I use Clinique powder makeup.  I thought I was very low in September and so I stopped at the mall and purchased a replacement.  I continued to use the old one for about a week, but I was going away for the weekend and I didn’t want to run out while out of town so I broke out the new one.  I have yet to use the old one again.  It sits there and every day I think “I should really use that up….it’s expensive!”, but I never do. 

So another challenge I have for 2012 is to USE IT UP!  It’s part of the compact and I need to make a push to be consistently better about it.  I have a weakness for new product.  I like that first use.  So I have to try to figure out if it’s better for me to replace things before they run out, but not open them until I have used the last, even if it’s new and improved or a totally new product altogether, or if it makes more sense to actually run out before I make the 2 minute drive to the store to make the replacement.  Since the only time they are closed is Christmas day, it seems like this could be a good option. 

What I want versus what I need

I am looking at new (to me) cars.  My van is 12 years old and has almost 170,000 miles.  At some point in the near future we will need to replace it because it is now the primary car for the family.  Right now it’s very reliable but at some point it will start to falter and I want to be prepared. 

I have loved my mini-van since I bought it ten years ago.  I got all the extras that I wanted.  I could have paid less for a lesser van.  I feel that, because I loved it so, I have remained happy with it for a decade. 

One thing I really want in my next vehicle is a sunroof.  I would love something small with great gas mileage, but it still needs to be the family’s primary car and it also needs to be able to tow our boat, so I need to get something larger.  I like the look of the Acadia/Enclave/Outlook/Traverse, they offer the sun roof option, are large enough for the family and could easily tow the boat.  This is what I want. 

I could easily get another mini-van with extras that would make for a nice family car and, just as my current mini-van does, tow the boat, for about five thousand dollars less.  This is all we need, however, my heart isn’t in it. 

So do I focus on what I want, that I could possibly drive for a decade, or just getting what I need, that I could grow weary of in 3-5 years? 

I will not have to make that choice right away and I need to start test driving.  Who knows what will happen when I actually get behind the wheel.  Anything can happen.